I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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