I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
