Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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