YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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