i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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