I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
