There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
