I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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