it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
