90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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