All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
two words...techno handjob
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
