he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
