oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
