I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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