Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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