Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You're earring is so big in my mouth
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
