it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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