What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
