wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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