Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize