i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
