I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
