you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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