I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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