Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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