Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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