Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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