What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
