All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
