before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
