guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
