a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
