Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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