my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize