I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
