I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
