I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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