I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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