I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Naked Twister starts at high noon
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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