Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
