I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
