I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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