Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
