you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
