You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
