It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
nutella sex= disaster
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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