if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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