we have pet lesbian snakes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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