hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize