Umm I'm too high to move.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
