Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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