I'm so fucking centered right now
one two three fourrrrnication!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
