Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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