That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize