...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
