My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
