lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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