If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
