We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
