Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
