i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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