Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
