The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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