I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
