Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Your cock deserves a montage
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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