I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you never un-have a 4some
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
